I feel like I have been at war with my body since I landed on this planet. I am sure I was not born in the cradle waving my pudgy feet in the air saying, “God look at those fat toes. I’ll bet those are never going away.” As a three year old I am sure I did not think, “Jeez look at these arms…”
Most children are amazed by their bodies and the things that they can do with them. They run, they jump, they scream out of joy. Yet somewhere along the way I lost that joy. Many of us do. Somewhere along the way we are taught to be critical of our bodies. This leads to all sorts of problems for a lot of people. I am not so sure that we ever totally get over the insecurity of those teenage years.
Somewhere along the way we learn to say ugly things to ourselves.
“If I were just 70 pounds lighter….”
“If my arms were not so big….”
“When I get to this weight I will feel...”
“ I would go up and talk to that hottie if I weren’t concerned about my belly, my ass, my thighs…”
"If I looked like her..."
We learn to blame others too.
"If my family had different habits..."
"If I had different genetics..."
"If there were not Taco Bell on every corner..."
Many of those thoughts might have smiggeons of truth to them, but at some point I have to be willing to empower myself. At some point, no matter how many fat role models I had growing up, I have to realize I am responsible for those french fries I just ate. Patterns and habits can be broken. New coping mechanisms can be learned. If I want my life to be different I can change it.
This is not a fitness blog per se though fitness topics are going to come up. Fitness goals are going to be talked about, but rather than detailing meal plans and workout routines this blog is about the ending the war I declared on myself at some point. It is a space for me to answer important questions.
· Why am I fat? Why have I done this to myself?
What patterns and coping mechanisms from the past hold me back from being healthier?
How do I learn to love my body right now with its imperfections?
How do I learn to quit thinking of my body as something only tangentially connected to “I” to my “self”?
