I'm visiting my parents for a few days before doing some hiking in southern Utah and pulled that box out. I opened the lid and ran my hand across the dark denim of my favorite jeans sitting in the top of the box. I held up my army green jacket and let my finger circle the buttons. I unfolded my "cowgirl" shirt and just stared.
I really did not expect the clothes to fit just yet but I pulled on the jeans anyway. To my surprise they fit loosely. It was a strange moment. I have been those jeans, that size or close to it since the end of junior high. The only exception in my entire grown life to that is when I was in Spain. I was about two sizes smaller when in Spain, but the Spain years were the only years that I was smaller than this favorite pair of jeans... until now.
It is an exhilarating and scary feeling to feel like you are on the cusp of change. You are in your own skin and yet you are venturing into uncharted territory. I find myself asking a lot of questions that range from silly, to fairly deep. What does it mean to let go of this armor that I have carried around for so long? Why was the armor there in the first place? What will it be like to walk into the store and be able to pick up anything off the rack? What will I look like when all the weight is gone? How quickly will I be able to climb to the top of Timp? What will it be like to have the confidence to walk up to a girl I am interested in and just ask her out?
Right now though I am going to dry those jeans in a super hot dryer and they are going out tonight!
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