Yep... I'm going to make a few excuses right now...

So, I have probably gained back about 10 of the pounds that I lost. I was doing really well maintaining the weight loss until Thanksgiving rolled around.

Really, though the gaining some of the weight back is not the bad thing really. It is disappointing, but the more important question is why I quit losing weight in the first place. This weight loss thing is a whole lot simplier than most people thing it is. I quit working out. I ate fairly healthy until November rolled around... Exercising and eating right...

• I never truly reestablished routines once school started again. That was just laziness on my part.
• I kind of suffered a bit of an identity crisis towards the end of summer. I looked completely different. Looking in the mirror was a new experience every single day. It became a bit overwhelming to not recognize the person in the mirror.
• I did not get to hike Timpanogos because of the snow conditions and I had really invested a lot of my motivation into that goal. I focused all of my energy on that goal and then when circumstances did not allow for it to happen it was a bit devastating.

How I resolve to solve some of the above problems:

• I made a new excel tracker.
• I bought a new pedometer.
• I made a new schedule.
• I have set new goals. (I want to be able to run a 10k by the end of June. I want to be able to do a half marathon by next December. I want to be in my "healthy" weight range by the end of June (that's about 50 pounds to go.)

Still working at this... Setting new goals...

Despite my lack of effort on the blogging front I am still very focused on fitness right now. I have maintained my weight over the last month since I blogged but have not lost anything more. (This is mainly because I have not been focusing enough on my eating though I am still exercising...)

I started running a few weeks ago and have decided to work towards doing a half marathon! I need to do some more research but I want to be able to run a half marathon by about Christmas time. I think it is totally do-able. Right now however I am just focusing on being able to run a mile and a half in a decent time...

I'm gonna sew... Yep.

Since none of my clothes fit and I still have more weight to lose I have decided NOT to go shopping. Rather than shopping I bought a used sewing machine.  Uhm… I don’t sew, but I figure how hard is it to follow the seam of an existing article of clothing to take it in…

Weekly Results: Goals and the process

Weekly Results: Goals

• Lost 3.2 pounds this week (Total lost so far: 46.8 pounds)
• Gluten free, meat free, made an awesome garbanzo bean cake so not totally sugar free…

Thoughts:

I mentioned that I extended my stay in Utah just to give the snow on top of Timpanogos time to melt. On my last night in Utah I was grumpy and complaining about it little bit to my dad. I told him about all of the hours on the treadmill walking on a huge incline, all of the stadium steps that I ran, all of the careful planning and visualization exercises, etc. I told him that I felt cheated.

He laughed at me as I sulked a little bit. He pointed out that it had not been wasted effort. I had gotten in shape after all and that it wasn’t like I hadn’t done several awesome hikes. I would not have been in shape for those other hikes if I had not been prepared for Timpanogos. He was of course right.

I realized though that there is power in pushing towards specific things. There is power in making plans and building dreams. We gain a lot from the process even if we never end up where we think we are going. I know that I am strong enough to climb Timpanogos even if it did not get to happen this year.

Perhaps next year I will get the required training to hike in snowy conditions and then it won't matter how much snow is up there... I will get to go anyway.

Weekly Results: Getting back into a routine

Results

• Lost since last report on June 13th: 5.8 pounds (Total lost 43.6 pounds)
• Status on my gluten free, vegetarian, no sugar thing... Well, I am still gluten free. I am not really a vegetarian anymore... I am more of a pescatarian (I discovered sushi and eat it all the time now). I am mostly sugar free.

Thoughts
While on vacation in Utah my weight loss has slowed down significantly. I am still losing weight but not at the rate I was before and really I've been ok with that. Next week I return home and will be getting back into a regular routine of cooking, and exericising.

I extended my stay in Utah hoping that enough snow would melt on Timpanogos to be able to make it to the summit, but its just not going to happen. I went yesterday and hiked about a mile and half up the trail and there was already one snowfield to cross. The higher elevations still have about five feet and they are recommending that anyone who goes up takes things like ice-axes with them... I have done a significant amount of hiking though. It has been great even if they were just shorter hikes.

Anemic again! Double WTF!!!

I'm anemic again... It happened a few weeks ago. This time I know that it is because I have not been taking care of myself. Celiac Disease makes absorbing iron hard, and then throw in being vegetarian and not being careful about your iron for a few weeks and you have a disaster on your hands...

Be wiser than I have been... I'm on vacation and have to spend time recovering... Not cool.

Iron rich foods people!!! Beans, quinoa, edamame, eggs, lentils...

Weekly Results - MUST WORK OUT!!!

Results

• -1.4 pounds (Total of -37.8 pounds)
• Still did not get another pedometer, but resolved to do so soon. I NEED the motivation provided by tracking steps…
• Gluten free, sugar free, ate fish a few times again.

Thoughts

This has been another off week… I got back into eating carefully and healthy, but I really have not worked out. I’ve done a lot of walking. I’ve been active, but have not gone to the gym… I guess what I am learning is that routines are sacred. Throw off your routines and everything goes crazy!

Unfortunately, I am going to have to try and get back into routines while on vacation because I’m not going to back in Louisiana for about a month and that is just too much time to lose messing around. ENOUGH LAZY FOR ME!

I have set a summer goal. By the first week of August I want to have lost another 15 pounds. That gives me about seven weeks. This is completely possible as long as I stay on track this summer. 

Nothing to wear...

I have lost enough weight now that none of my clothes fit properly except for the shorts I bought last week, and slutty skirt w/tube top... None of which does me any good since I arrived in Utah yesterday and it is still freezing... Not literally freezing, but its too cold for me.

I either need to go get a pair pants today or I need to attempt to use my mom's sewing machine right now... Hmmmmm...

Weekly Results (very late due to being in New Orleans for a week)

Results
-1.4 pounds (I was on vacation and we ate out a lot... This is a miracle.) Total lost: 36.4 pounds.
Steps - I broke another pedometer and lost one in a swamp... I'm not going to buy another one... I walked a lot this week...
Not gluten free (contaminated at a restaurant), Not sugar free, Not vegetarian (I ate a lot of seafood this week)

Thoughts
I am trying to decide if I should look at this week as a big fail or as a success. I actually lost weight while on vacation and eating out... However I am feeling the effects of eating sugar, gluten, and maybe the seafood too... Hard to tell what is causing me to feel so tired. I just don't have the energy that I had a few weeks ago and I wonder if it is the poor diet recently or if it is simply that I have been running around like a crazy person since school got out.

This last week was really a huge reminder to me that many of my dietary choices are about being healthy and feeling good rather than losing weight because I lost weight, but feel like crud...

Anyway... Today is my first day back on track. Its requiring a fair amount of coffee...

I normally HATE photos of myself...

I have long hated pictures of myself. I avoid getting them taken at all costs. Any photos that do happen to be taken and posted on Facebook I quickly un-tag. Today however I was touring the region and seeing sights. All day long I was shooting pictures of myself and sending them to a girl I'm interested in. Showing her where we were at and what we were doing.

I looked back over the photos that I took and still disliked them, not because of my weight. Instead of disliking them because of my weight I disliked them because of the dorky looks on my face, or the hairs that were out of place, or way the shot was off-center. It was interesting. I liked it. I am starting to think I am looking pretty good!

UGH... The heat...

I know I already wrote one kind of self-indulging post about the heat here in Louisiana, but I thought of another fitness aspect yesterday.

Yesterday it was so warm that I could hardly stomach eating at all... It reminded me of how I used to feel in Spain. In Spain during the summers it would get so hot that we would live off of fruit and Danone Coconut Yogurt. I really wanted some of that yogurt yesterday.

Of course, also just like in Spain as soon as the sun went down and the temperature dropped a little bit I could eat without feeling sick... (The heat really never bothered me this much the previous two years here in Louisiana... Not sure why this year is so bad.)

Weekly Results: Short skirts, tube tops and weighing everyday

Results

• Loss -4.6 pounds (Total lost 34.6)
• 84049 steps = About 39.89 miles
• Gluten free, vegetarian, had some key lime pie this week. (I think I am going to start indulging in sugar once in awhile. Mostly at social functions where it is offered. Sounds kind of a funny, "I'm a social sugar eater...")
• Week 15 of working out
• Week 11 of eating right

Thoughts
As I mentioned yesterday the 35 pounds I lost was a major goal. I have laid out a few major goals and wanted to reward myself in some way as I reached each goal. yesterday I went shopping and bought the sluttiest out-fit I have every owned in my life... Maybe slutty is a harsh word... Maybe I should say "not modest", or "shorter than I have ever worn before"... It was a short khaki skirt and a pink billowy tube top. I was kind of freaking out in the store.. I mean the skirt was like three inches above my knees... AHHH! As I was freaking out though I was looking in the mirror and you know what it looked good! My favorite barista took a good look at me too and she was smiling a little bit. She looks a little bit like a younger, and more emo KD Lang. (I'm gonna have to start shaving my legs above the knees to wear it though... That's a big concession to make for a skirt...)

Yeah! for looking good. Yeah! for gaining some more confidence.

I also got in a conversation this week with a friend about weighing everyday or not weighing everyday. Since I started working on getting healthy this time around I have started weighing daily. I've never done that before and some argue that its not good because you focus too much on the number. I am not totally focused on the numbers, but I recognize that the numbers help me reach my objectives.

My objectives are not to reach particular numbers on the scale, though the numbers are a tool I use. My objective is be able to hike, skate, maybe dance, and reaching a healthy number on the scale is a side-effect of or tool to doing those things. Does that make sense?

I have found weighing daily to be useful though for several reasons:

1. It holds me accountable. If I overeat or if I eat gluten I know about it right away and can start repairing the damage immediately. If I were weighing in once a week I might not notice water retention as much, or I might be less careful about the amount of food I eat, but weighing daily is a constant guide.

2. There are ups and downs on the scale everyday. It used to freak me out when the number would go up from day to day and I knew I was being good, but our body goes through different cycles and in some ways I think that weighing daily and tracking it is helping me get to know my bodies rhythms.

3. For me it is really motivation, centering, focusing to weigh daily. Just the routine of stepping on the scale reminds me of what I am working towards.

4. I like weighing daily because I am a mega-nerd and tracking my weight daily was an excuse to make an Excel spreadsheet.... I like watching the weight-line trend downward...

The heat is gonna kill me - I reached a major goal

I have lived in Louisiana for three years now but I've never actually spent a summer here. I'm starting to realize that maybe I don't comprehend how awful it could be...

I went out at about 9:00 am today to go to the track and only got 8 laps in before the heat was killing me... I hate driving to the gym everyday but going to the track is going to require getting out of the house a lot earlier in the morning.

When I started working out in March I had set a goal for the end of the school year. I wanted to lose 35 pounds by May 25th. I'm a few days late, but I have now lost 34.8 pounds! (I know I'm rounding up just a tiny bit.) I'm so excited!

I detest pictures of myself so I don't take any, but now I wish I had taken some "before" shots just to see the difference. Oh well. Part of the reason I have not prioritized pictures and talking about numbers goals has been because my focus is truly on getting strong enough to hike Timpanogos. I really don't doubt that I could do it at this point. Right now I just have to get to Utah and wait for some of the snow to melt... PLEASE MELT! (But no too fast. I don't want it to flood the valley below... Just slow and steady melting so I don't need snowshoes...)

Weekly Results: Habit and routine...

Results

• Loss -2.4 pounds (Total of 30.8 pounds!)
• 77,475 steps = 36.7 miles (Pedometer broke - step count is not accurate.)
• Gluten free, sugar free and still vegetarian
• Week 14 of working out.
• Week 10 of eating right.

 

Thoughts
I had no real deep or profound thoughts this week about fitness... I then realized that in and of itself is somewhat profound. Fitness and eating right have now become so routine that I no longer really have to think about it all the time. I can walk into the store and I know what I need to make healthy vegetarian meals without too much effort or thought.

 

Going to the gym or going to the track is so routine that getting myself off the couch to go and do it is just not a problem any more.

 

These changes, eating right and working out, have become not just something I am doing to lose weight, but they are well on their way to being lifestyle changes! YEAH for routine and habit!

"Have you lost a lot of weight lately?"

I had about eight people stop me and ask me this week how I was losing my weight. It is always fun to watch them all react as I tell them that I went vegetarian, gave up sugar, and exercise so that I can hike up mountains in high altitude environments… I think what they wanted was to join whatever club or plan I was following.

I think I have mentioned in the past that my entire family has varying degrees of weight problems. When I say family I mean EVERYONE. My mom’s side, my dad’s side, almost all of the cousins, even all of the in-laws that married into the family are big people. Some of the kids have managed to escape the fat-fate (not many but some). The ones who escaped were the ones who had sports hobbies.

My sister lost about 60 pounds three years ago when she got into kung-fu. She has stuck with it and looks amazing. She is healthy and strong. She was really the first person I ever encountered who got healthy through a hobby rather than crash dieting. She is my inspiration!

She is not taking kung-fu at some crap school either. She is at a serious school and she can now take down men that are twice her size! It is super impressive.

I think people at school want a quick and easy fix. I think many of my family members on these crash diets plan want an easy fix. Its not realistic...I think the only fix is to sweat it out somehow and eat healthy.  

Anemic?! WTF...

I’ve had a really hard time working out this week not because I have not wanted to but because work and finishing up the school year has been so crazy. I have also been really tired. The fatigue should have been the telltale sign, but then the bruises started showing up. (My pedometer broke too and the new one is definitely not accurate…)

I have a history of anemia. This is really common for people with Celiacs Disease and going vegetarian this was something I was concerned about since plant iron is harder to absorb than iron in say steak… I’m just surprised that the anemia did not hit me sooner. I’ve been vegetarian now for about 9 weeks. I’m not sure why it took so long to show up…

I’m going to have to read up on how vegetarians deal with anemia. I’m going to eat a lot of eggs over the next few days. May some good spinach and egg omlets will do the trick. I hope I don’t have to go in for a nice, pleasant iron shot … Ughhhh..

Tofu Tacos

I have been buying tofu salads from Whole Foods, and I thought they were a pretty good deal. They were already made and I did not have to worry about figuring out to cook tofu. Last week when I went to do my grocery shopping though I noticed that an entire pound of uncooked tofu is only like $2.50... I love a good deal... I bought the tofu and it sat in the fridge all week because all I have ever heard about it is how hard it is to cook...

Finally, this weekend I decided to give it a shot and I read everything I could find about how to cook tofu. Without going into any more boring details I made wonderful tofu tacos last night and plan on never buying overpriced tofu salad at Whole Foods again...

What you need:

• 1 package extra firm tofu (I used Nasoya brand)
• 1 package of taco seasoning (or go to allrecipes and use this recipe to make your own taco seasoning - I love this particular recipe)
• Non-stick cooking spray
• Whatever you like to put on your tacos with (shells, lettuce, salsa, corn, etc)

Steps
1. Put the tofu in the freezer for 72 hours. (This apparently makes it easier to work with and changes the texture. As this was my first time cooking it I am not sure what the texture would have been like without freezing it.My friend said the tofu crumbs and falls apart if you skip this freeze and thaw process.)
2. Thaw on the counter or in the fridge. Put the thawed tofu on a towel and squeeze out the excess water.
3. Once thawed cut into cubes. (It really does not matter what size. My cubes were about 1/2" by 1/2".)
4. Put the taco seasoning and cubes in a ziplock bag and shake until the tofu is covered in taco seasoning.
5. Spray a baking pan with non-stick cooking spray and dump contents of the ziplock bag into the baking pan.
6. Bake the tofu cubes at 400 degrees for about 10 minutes then flip them over and bake for about another 10 minutes. (You can repeat this step depending on how crispy or tender you want your tofu cubes to be.)
7. Remove from the oven and use tofu cubes in place of regular taco meat.

Weekly Results: We are on the same team now...

Results:

• Loss -5.4 (Total lost 28.4 pounds - There was something wrong with my spreadsheet. The loss numbers have been wrong the last few weeks. This is corrected.) YEAH!!! All the gluten is gone, plus more!
• 105,033 steps = 50.74 miles
• Gluten free again, still vegetarian, ate chocolate this week so not sugar free
• Week 13 of working out.
• Week 8 of working out and eating right

Thoughts:

I spent some time serious time looking in the mirror this week. I took the time to notice changes. I took the time to really see and appreciate the strength and the beauty. I tried really hard not to let any of the negative thoughts creep in that are so typical of women in general. I just wanted to love what was there right then in front of the mirror.

I really started to hate TV as stood there looking at myself. I googled it. The average woman celebrety is something like a size 2 while the real average American woman is a size 14 and I would guess in reality that down here in the South average is more like a 16 or maybe even an 18. If beauty is always portrayed as this wafish, anorexic, stick person and that is the only message that is sent to us no wonder we are so critical. Size 2 certainly seems to be what many of the women in my life are shooting for...

As I stared at in the mirror I realized that no amount of working out is going to change my actual shape. I'm sooooo pear shaped. I am one size on top and another size on the bottom. Its a good shape to be and while I did not always love it in the past I am learnign to appreciate it more and more. The pear shape is so womanly. It feels strong. I like having hips. I am starting to own my feminenity more. (Down here in the South the pear shape is an asset. The J-Lo booty is HAWT and I get picked up on a lot by guys which always makes me laugh.)

This week I gained an overwhelming sense of gratitude for my body. I love how strong it is becoming. I love the things that it can do. I am starting to feel like my body and I are on the same team these days. We both want to climb Timpanogos even if there is a ton of snow...

Chocolate... Its really the only candy...

Blogger is a mess right now... I am missing at least one post to this blog now. I hope it comes back? I may have to go cut and paste it from Google Reader if Blogger can't get it back... Oh, well...

This week has been awful…

Unusual job stress, combined with major family stress resulted in me eating chocolate this week. Not a ridiculous amount by any stretch (chocolate on Sunday… chocolate on Monday). Two chocolate bars in a week do not equal pounds and pounds of unhealthy but I am still a little bit mad at myself. One of the things that I have really attempted to do in my recent fitness attempts is to deal with emotions in healthy ways. I have actually been super successful in this endeavor until this week.  

Let me say, the chocolate tasted incredible. I don’t remember chocolate ever tasting as good as this chocolate and it was crappy cheap Hershey’s chocolate. Maybe it was the complete absence of milk chocolate for two months that made it soooo good… The aftereffects of the chocolate however were not so great.

I repented of the chocolate bars by burning them off on the elliptical machine and paid in other ways too. The sugar killed me. I felt cranky and tired after eating it. Maybe smaller amounts in the future would be alright or I should just stick with the dark stuff that is a bit more healthy and  has a lot less sugar…

We so easily fall back into old patterns…  

What?! Jillian can't leave Biggest Loser!

The only TV I watch these days besides crappy LGBT movies on Netflix is Biggest Loser. Jillian announced this week that she is leaving Biggest Loser. Why does the hot lesbian have to leave the show? I may have to quit watching now...

Really, the show has a lot of critics, but I have found it motivational. This season especially has been motivational because I feel like I have been progressing right along side the contestants. I was not really big enough to even qualify for the show. Yet I relate to the people on it the show in many ways. Just like many of the contestants, I have allowed my weight to determine my confidence level. I have allowed my weight to limit me. The weight was an excuse to not to do things... Now even with the few pounds that I have lost I feel more confident.

I find myself engaging more actively with the world now that I have lost weight, where as before I was definitely holding back.

I still find myself looking at really big girls and wondering if I look like that. My mental image of myself does not match reality. My mental image is that of an enormous fat girl. I know on some level that I am not an enormous fat girl but it is still a fear... I was never an enormous fat girl so why do I think that I am? What part of me needs to imagine this "reality"?

Weekly Results: Gluten...

Results:

+3 pounds... Total lost 25...
93,800 steps = 44.38 miles
Not gluten free yet, vegetarian still, sugar free

Thoughts:
I unknowingly ate gluten all week long! Clearing it out of my system is going to take awhile... Anytime I eat gluten my body responds by retaining crazy amounts of water, I get super tired, and I will avoid sharing the long and detailed list of the other gluten signs...

Last week was a busy week so I did not cook. I went to Whole Foods and bought various salads. They had basalmic quinoa salad, marinated tofu and vegan borracho beans... Half-way through the week I started freaking out because the number on the scale jumped like five pounds in a day. I knew I had not eaten five pounds worth of food... The next day three more pounds... In two days the number on the scale jumped 8 pounds and I was super tired.

Yeah, Whole Foods borracho beans have fakin bacon in them which has wheat in it... So annoying. It will probably take another week or two to recover from this. I can't believe I did not figure it out sooner. Ridiculous.

Alcohol, caffeine and Benedryl really get to me now...

I am sitting in the Barnes and Noble right now. I got a tall Cinnamon Dolce Latte and I am shaking from the caffeine. I used to get the grande with an extra shot of espresso and had no problem at all going to bed a hour later... I have only lost about 30 pounds but caffeine is killing me now...

I also took some Benedryl last week and the normal dose knocked me out. I got a great night's sleep but I seriously could not keep my eyes open. 

I am careful when I drink to not actually get drunk. I don't like getting wasted. I can usually drink three or four drinks and be more or less fine. Last night I had two and it was too much... I got a little loud and rowdy!

All of this was a more or less unexpected effect of weight-loss. Not sure why it did not occur to me sooner that this would happen. 

Sports...

I spent a lot of time last week staring at Mount Timpanogos completely covered in a super-thick layer of snow. It has been a bad winter in Utah and it has stayed cold pretty late into the year this year. I had a horrible thought pop into my head a few days ago... My window for climbing it is June/July. The snow will definitely not be melted by June and it is possible that a lot will still be there in July. Hiking the mountain in snowy conditions may require more mountaineering expertise than I currently posses and things like snowshoes... DAMN global warming. 

Trudging through snow will require an even greater level of fitness so maybe that makes the goal all the more worthy! (I need to find out if they even allow the general public up on the mountain when there is a lot of snow.) 

The whole thing got me thinking about sports. After this summer and after hiking the mountain I am going to need other interests and goals to get me through to the next summer. 

1. I want to get into roller derby. There are two teams in Baton Rouge. Another possible goal would be learning to skate well enough to make the team. 

2. I really want to get a mountain bike. There are lots of country roads out here. 

3. I want to learn how to swim. 

4. My sisters wants to do marathons with me. She wants to start out doing some 5Ks this summer. I'm going to start running. I think my back can handle it.

Weekly Results (Late again! I was traveling)

Results:
Lost 4.4 pounds this week. Total lost so far 28.0 pounds
85,548 total steps = 40.47 miles
Gluten free, vegetarian, sugar free

Thoughts:
My steps total leaves a lot to be desired this week! I knew it would be low though because I was on vacation and did some serious socializing instead of my normal three hours of working out each day. About 25 of those 40 miles were super intense hiking in Moab, Utah. Every muscle in my body had been sore for about three days now.

Living on sea-level and than going on vacation to Utah was interesting. I was working out at about 5000 feet above sea-level. It was such a strange thing to know that my muscles had the potential to work a lot harder than they were. I knew that I could walk faster and yet I could not get enough oxygen to make that happen. As the week progressed working out in the high altitude environment got easier and with my expanded lung capacity I am curious to see what I can do today back at sea-level again.

Despite the altitude if Timpanogos was not totally and completely covered with snow right now I think I could I hike it. (I have seriously no memory of the snow being this thick on that mountain before. This winter has been brutal in Utah.) I am basing this on how I did on the Moab hikes. So now the goal is not really to be able to hike Timpanogos. The goal changes to be more about how easy I can make it to hike Timpanogos.

___________________________________________________________

I am happy with this weight loss for this week. I ate out with friends six times on this trip and still managed to eat healthy. YEAH!!!!

That box in the basement...

Lots of people have that box in the basement, back of the closet or perhaps in the attic. It is filled with all of your favorite clothes that you don't fit into.

I'm visiting my parents for a few days before doing some hiking in southern Utah and pulled that box out. I opened the lid and ran my hand across the dark denim of my favorite jeans sitting in the top of the box. I held up my army green jacket and let my finger circle the buttons. I unfolded my "cowgirl" shirt and just stared. 

I really did not expect the clothes to fit just yet but I pulled on the jeans anyway. To my surprise they fit loosely. It was a strange moment. I have been those jeans, that size or close to it since the end of junior high. The only exception in my entire grown life to that is when I was in Spain. I was about two sizes smaller when in Spain, but the Spain years were the only years that I was smaller than this favorite pair of jeans... until now. 

It is an exhilarating and scary feeling to feel like you are on the cusp of change. You are in your own skin and yet you are venturing into uncharted territory. I find myself asking a lot of questions that range from silly, to fairly deep. What does it mean to let go of this armor that I have carried around for so long? Why was the armor there in the first place? What will it be like to walk into the store and be able to pick up anything off the rack? What will I look like when all the weight is gone? How quickly will I be able to climb to the top of Timp? What will it be like to have the confidence to walk up to a girl I am interested in and just ask her out?

Right now though I am going to dry those jeans in a super hot dryer and they are going out tonight!

Weekly Results (A day late. I did not have access to a scale yesterday.)

Results:

• Lost this week 9.8 pounds (total of 23.6 pounds lost)
• 118,015 steps/55.73 miles
• Still gluten free, still vegetarian, still sugar free and feeling fantastic!!!

Thoughts this week:
Did I mention last week that I was retaining water?! Jeez that 9 pounds surprised me!

This week I really focused on more intense exercise rather than distance. So rather than going an extra mile I did more stairs, more time on the elliptical, slower pace on a higher incline. As a result my butt, thighs and calves have been sore all week long... It worked! I am now a believer in your body's need to change things up.

I am home for a few days, traveling for a few days, and hiking this week. We will see how well I do with my routine completely thrown off. Luckily I can still go to the gym here. I joined one of those nationwide ones where you can go to any location.

I don't believe in diet plans (ranty - you have been warned)

UGHHHHHH…

I just got off the phone with a family member. Rather than having a nice conversation I had to listen to her talk about her new diet plan for 30 minutes. She often sells things. She was trying to sell me on this plan. Turns out it is not just a diet plan (which I don’t believe in), it is some kind of diet/pyramid scheme all in one. She gets money if I sign up. I drove about a 1000 miles today in 15 hours. I really did not want to hear a sales pitch.  

I should have realized something was up when my direct questions about the plan were not answered. The tone of voice should have been another clue that this was a sales presentation…

Not only was she trying to sell me on the plan, but she wanted me to post links to the sales site on my various blogs and Facebook. I am now trying to figure out how to tell her that I refuse to post things that I don’t back or believe in… I won’t be linking her site anywhere… Now I have gotten really ranty here and should get on track.

I don’t believe in diets. This phone convo with said family member has opened up a chance for me to really put down my views on health and eating.

1. When I say that I eat gluten free it is NOT because it is trendy right now. I am one of the few people eating gluten free that actually HAVE TO. I have Celiacs Disease and wish all of the posers would quit faking it… (Though more demand is driving down the cost of gluten free products. Maybe the fakers have a use...)
2. When I gave up sugar it was only after researching the harmful long term effects of it and to see how I felt after giving it up. I feel better without it.
3. When I gave up meat a month ago it was on the recommendation of my doctor. The Celiac Disease had kind of ravaged my system and digesting meat is difficult. (He did not recommend it as a permanent thing, but again I feel so good that it might become permanent. I have also been watching food documentaries and if I do eat meat again it is going to have to be organic. The animals are treated horribly and that is something I am not sure I can handle anymore.) 

All of the dietary changes I have made are lifestyle changes that require me to evaluate how I physically feel in response to the changes, they are well researched, some are doctor recommended (demanded) changes, and cause me to really think about what I am eating and why. These things have all been about me taking responsibility for what I eat.

The family member’s plan is a prepackaged sort of deal where you have to buy your food from the company and you eat their prepackaged food until you reach your goal weight... When I talked about not liking this aspect of it the family member got really defensive and spouted off that 20,000 doctors back this plan... Well, experts can be paid off or bought off, or made up.

The bottomline is that this plan may work, but it does not teach you how to eat. In fact it takes all responsibility for your food out of your hands. Your food is handed to you. You don’t have to think about it at all…

Ranty again… I hope I don’t have to listen to this sort of stuff for the next three days. I will leave early or completely book my schedule with friends rather than family members… 

Shrinking

It is a strange thing, this business of losing weight. When you glance down at your arm and it is noticeably smaller than the last time you paid attention to it it can be a bit shocking. “That’s my arm?!”

 It is strange to put on clothes that you wore a week or two ago and find them loose and having to cinch the belt in a bit more.

My bra is already too big… I wish I did not lose weight in the boobs… If those could just stay the same while everything else shrunk that would be great. Oh, well.

From day to day the changes are not so noticeable but from week to week they are. The changes in just two months are big. Where will I be in two more months? (I already know the answer to that one. I will be climbing mountains.) 

Weekly Results: Fear of running

Results:

• Loss of .2 pounds this week… Total of 13.8 in four weeks.  (Yeah, I’ve been retaining water like crazy and ate nachos for dinner… I was expecting this number.)
• I walked 136,521 steps equaling about 64.69 miles.
• Still gluten free, still vegetarian, pretty much sugar free. (I started eating a piece of dark chocolate once in awhile. Dark chocolate over 70% cocoa is a superfood in small amounts.)

Thoughts of the Week:

I have  reached a point where it really does not matter how far or how fast I walk walking in and of itself is not intense enough to get my heart rate up high enough… This is not a problem on days that I go to the gym. On days that I go to the gym I just kick the incline way up or get on the elliptical machine. On days that I go to the track it is more challenging.

The logical next step is to start running, but running scares me.

I have a back injury that knocked me on my ass a few months ago. I was down for about two weeks and recovering for the next month. So six weeks of sharp shooting pains everytime you put on your socks or twist funny is enough to make anyone careful right?!

This injury flares up once in awhile but it has never been as bad as it was a few months ago. This episode is actually one of the reasons that I am prioritizing getting healthier. Being in better shape makes that injury easier to deal with and less likely to be so severe.

As I have begun to exercise my back has not given me any major grief but I have been careful to choose joint friendly, back friendly activities.

I think I am going to add my pilates DVD into the rotation for a week or two and then start running…   

Gluten-Free and Vegetarian at a restaurant does not equal healthy...

I have been a busy girl over the last few weeks so this is the first Friday that I have gone out with friends in awhile. Ordering my normal gluten free at a restaurant is often hard enough but tonight I had the additional challenge of ordering vegetarian too... Normally I would just order some kind of meat and a salad and that is a pretty simple way to eat gluten free...

Tonight I got nachos with beans since they were both gluten free and meat free... Not healthy. Too much cheese, not enough veggies, lots of empty calories and carbs... I did not even come close to finishing the dish but still feel icky...

I think in the future I will eat my faux-meatballs, or black bean burger before going out and just get a salad at the restaurant... (Plus the way my stomach is feeling there was gluten contamination... DAMN my Northern European ancestry for giving me such a charming genetic disease...)

Maybe I just won't eat out anymore...

Reasons I love working out

I have really started to enjoy working out again. Some of my reasons for liking it are silly.

1. All my workout clothes are black and I like to wear all black. They make me feel sexy. 

2. When I workout I am totally present in the moment. I am focused on that moment, that breath, that step, my heartbeat.

3. I like seeing progress. I love that I walking on an incline of 5 is easy now. I love that 6 miles is nothing anymore. I love that my resting heart-rate is dropping and my heart is getting stronger and more efficient. 

Weekly Results: The skinny-fat girl and motives

Results:
Loss of 2.8 pounds this week. Total of 13.6 pounds in 3 weeks.
I walked 122,596 steps for 58.10 miles
Still gluten free, still vegetarian, still sugar free

Thoughts of the Week: 
Most of the ladies I work with are white, middle-aged and upper-middle class. If you have ever watched the cable show Weeds these are the people I am interacting with on a daily basis... Sometimes at work as I am sitting in the group that song from Sesame Street pops into my head, "One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong..." I actually love them all despite not understanding them. Their world-views and ways of life are completely foreign to me.

Their health views have been eye-opening. They lose weight solely to achieve a size or a number on the scale. They do not lose weight for the health benefits. They are all always on trendy fad-diets and talk about who is losing weight and how much they have lost all the time... Being the size they were in high school is the ultimate mark of success in this little kingdom on the bayou.

Over the course of about a year one lady has dropped about 60 pounds just through dieting alone. Yesterday I as we were sitting in a meeting I was looking at her arms and legs and was struck by how un-tone they are. She has lost all this weight but she has absolutely no muscle at all... That just does not seem like the right way to do this. I don't remember where I heard this, but she is "skinny-fat". She might be skinny but she is not healthy and strong.

The whole time we were sitting in that meeting and I was looking at her arms and legs I came to the conclusion that the motives behind our goals really do drive how we accomplish our goals. She is skinny that was her goal. Her motive was a size or number and she found a way to achieve it through eating nothing... My motive is to be healthy enough and strong enough to enjoy hiking to the top of Timpanogos. I am losing weight along the way, but losing weight is not my primary motive.

I share this story and know that it probably comes off as being a bit snotty... "I'm going to do this better than her..." Well, she got what she wanted and I am working towards what I want... Motives.

Timpanogos is still so far away...

I have toned up enough and lost enough weight that people are starting to comment and ask questions. I kind of hate that. Despite publishing all of my secrets through blogs on the internet I don't get personal with many people face to face... I feel like this weight loss and getting into shape is personal. It is about me setting right so many things in my heart and in my mind.

I am rather close with one lady that stopped me in the hall today and we chatted for a bit. (She is like my Southern Mama. My real mom is far far away but I have my Southern Mama and she looks after me. She wants to set me up with her son and  we are not close enough yet for me to tell her why that won't work...) I told her about hiking up Timpanogos this summer and what a big deal that is to me that this was my biggest motivation for getting in shape.

I don't understand why doing this, hiking this mountain again, is so crucial but it is. I wake up with images of this mountain lingering on my eyelids from my dreams. I work out pretending I can feel the Utah sun on my back and can smell the forest dirt in my nostrils. I google "Timpanogos" and read all everything that comes up after work.

I don't know why but preparing for this hike is very healing. I was a very emotional eater and I can't help but wonder if burning these stored calories is releasing the emotions I did not deal with. It is setting me from the drama of my past.

July is still so far off but I am so excited about this.

Fake meatballs

This whole vegetarian thing has me eating foods I would never have dreamed of prior to this little adventure and with the Celiac Disease most of the pre-made vegetarian fare in the freezer section is not good for me. I am having to do this vegetarian thing from scratch. I have no intention of eating things I don't love vegetarian or not... So I have been cooking and experimenting a lot...

Tonight is a good example. I made "meatballs" out of peppers, mushrooms, onions, spinach and quinoa. I stared at that recipe for a good 25 minutes convincing myself that it was worth the time and effort. I have recently begun to LOVE quinoa so that was the thing that gave me a bit of faith in the recipe.

I was the picky kid growing up. My body had a natural gag reflex to veggies. I literally could not swallow them. It was a texture thing not a taste thing and I have gotten over it as I have grown up. I did not like salad until high school... Could not eat salsa until after that and until tonight spinach and mushrooms were something other people bought at the grocery store, not me... These "meatballs" were incredible and may actually land both spinach and mushrooms a weekly slot on the grocery list!

I got the recipe from this awesome new blog that I found today: The Small Boston Kitchen. 

UPDATE - I made these again - way easier than forming them into balls with your hands I suggest using an ice cream scoop. Rather than putting them on a flat pan put them into cupcake tins. 

Little things

For some reason the number on the scale has not moved at all this week. I feel like I am too fresh on the weight loss trail to have hit a plateau but I know nothing about the science behind all of this... Despite the number remaining the same I have seen progress in other ways.

1. I have noticed that my rings are fitting kind of loosely on my fingers.
2. My resting heart rate has dropped by about 15 beats per minute since I started working out. In fact it is the lowest that I ever remember it being, but it is in the lower 50's.
3. My clothes are fitting more loosely.
4. I caught my reflection at a distance in a mirror at the gym and did not realize it was me.
5. I am craving healthy food when I am hungry rather than unhealthy food.

I may have only lost 10 pounds so far, but being gluten free the gluten bloat is gone so I look like I have lost more than that...

I think focusing on all of these little things is helping me not freak out over the number on the scale sitting there, not budging, staying the same... Maybe it will drop before my results post on Saturday.

Impatient...

I am a somewhat impatient person. This impatience is not nesesarily a bad thing. It often pushes me to work hard, and do more than I would were it not driving me. It also causes me to want big results immediately for my efforts.

I have been working out now for five weeks and watching what I eat for two weeks. In the first three weeks I certainly learned that you can't get results without BOTH exercise AND diet... I was working hard, but nothing was coming off because I was just eating back the calories that I had burned off. Damn Girl Scout Cookies, eating out and Mardi Gras...

After just two weeks of working on both diet and exercise I have had major results and I can see them in my body and in the way that my clothing is fitting, but nonetheless I want bigger results right now... I have been overweight my entire life. I can't expect to undo all of that in just two weeks... In my head I know that this is going to take basically two things. I need time and consistency. I really believe that is it.

I am into positive affirmations. I have several that I rely on but I came up with a few that apply specifically to my fitness goals and to help rein in my impatience.

• I am worth the time it will take to get fit. 
• I deserve this. 
• One step at a time. 

Weekly Results - Visualizing the mountain

Results:
I lost 3.6 pounds this week for a grand total of 10.8 in the last two weeks.
I walked 126,660 steps = 59.59 miles.
I am still meat free, sugar free, and gluten free.

Updates:
Front-loading the day worked. Eating more of my calories in the morning and mid-day solved my tiredness in the afternoon. I also realized I was not getting very much fat and started eating a bit of peanut butter each day and switched from skim milk to 2% milk.

This whole vegetarian thing is kind of tricky... Plus I can't eat a lot of the vegetarian meat alternatives because of the gluten in them. Because of the Celiacs Disease I don't think I will ever be able to give up dairy and eggs. It would be super challenging to get what I need.

Thoughts this week:
My mental focus has not been directly on my number of steps and amount of weight lost. I use these things to gage progress, but my mind is in the mountains. As I working out I find myself frequently imagining what it will be like to walk the trails to the top of Timpanogos. I am imagining the wild flowers, the feel of the sun, and the weight of the backpack on my back. I imagine how good it will feel to reach the summit. This is so motivating.

I live in tiny Southern town that lives up to many of the stereotypes of a tiny Southern town. Everyone is up in your business. Everywhere you go you run into people you know. So as I have started working out I have had countless people come up to me and comment that they saw me on the track or climbing the stadium steps. So we chat about the little hike I am going on this summer. Everyone is so enthusiastic about it. In the end this is going to be a great way to hold myself accountable. The town of Mayberry is watching and will want to know how the hike goes when I come back in August.

Making my fitness goal about this hike rather than strictly about numbers is going to be what keeps me going.

Gluten free black bean burgers 2.0

I revamped my black bean burger recipe yesterday. I like this new version even more! 

1 3/4 cups of black beans (canned or dried beans you have cooked)
1 cup of corn
1 cup of rice (cooked)
4 egg whites
2 tablespoons of minced garlic
1/2 package of onion soup mix

1. Mash the beans with a fork.
2. Mix mashed beans, corn, rice, garlic and soup mix together
3. Lightly beat the egg whites.
4. Stir egg whites into mixture.
5. Drop onto a hot pan that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray and flatten it out to about 1/2 inch. Cook on a medium to low temperature and flip after about 4 minutes.

Makes about 5 burgers.
About 3 Weight Watchers points each and also gluten free.

Weekly Results Post: Exercise as repentance

• Today makes exactly 1 month of exercising. YEAH!
• I am also now 1 week gluten free, sugar free, and meat free! All of my glutenous Celiac Disease bloating is gone from cutting the gluten again. Score!
• Last week I walked 123,276 steps which for me is 58.38 miles. 
• I lost 7.2 pounds. 

Notes from the week: 
I have been a little bit tired in the afternoons. I think I need to front-load the day and eat more in the morning and at lunch and make dinner smaller.

Thoughts: 
I have a lot of friends and family that jump on every diet bandwagon that passes through town. I have watched them put all of their fitness faith in these quick fix sorts of programs and they often do lose weight just to gain it all back when the program is over.

It seems so simple to me. Calories in. Calories out. If I eat it I have to burn it at some point. I really don't believe there is a magical way to burn a calorie. It takes some kind of physical work to get that calorie back out again...

I am NOT a religious person per se, but as I was walking on the track working on my fifth mile I realized that for the overweight person exercise is basically repentance. Repentance - making reparations for your past wrongs. As you exercise you are repairing the damage you have done to your body, you are freeing it from the weight you have put it on it, you are moving forward and working towards being a different and stronger person.

Shedding the costume and shield

I watch The Biggest Loser occasionally and I find the show motivating to a degree. One of the things that the show always portrays are how contestants have to find the root reasons of why they have allowed themselves to become so overweight. The trainers always threaten that if the contestants don't work to discover and resolve the reasons for the weight the contestant will ultimately gain the weight back later. 

I have found that to be true in my own life. I will work hard and lose 10 or 15 pounds and then just stop and gain it back. One time, about seven years ago I lost 70 pounds. I felt good. I looked good but did gain all of the weight back. I find myself starting out on this journey again and want to make this stick. Working so hard to get healthy and strong seems like such a waste if I am not going to ultimately fix whatever it is inside of me that makes me punish myself like this. 

I have had "perfection" issues and have been fairly insecure my entire life. I used to think that my confidence issues were because of my weight, I don't think that is the case anymore. I think that my weight was a disguise or cover, an insulation against the world. My weight was a way of separating me so that I did not feel like I could actively participate... I could blend in and be kind of invisible. 

I have gone through a lot over the last few years and many of the challenges I have faced have caused me to re-evaluate everything in my life. My world has been turned completely upside down, and coming through these things has helped me to build my confidence and care less about other people and what they think about me. Changing so much on the inside has set me free in many ways and I have grown and repaired certain past damages. While the inside has changed the outside, the physical has stayed the same. When I look at myself in the mirror I do not feel that "I" am actually reflected. 

More and more I feel a drive to shed this costume that I have worn for so long. 

Gluten free black bean burgers

My Black Bean Burger Recipe

1 3/4 cups of black beans (canned or dried beans you have cooked)
1/2 cup of corn
1 cup of rice (cooked)
3 eggs
2 tablespoons of minced garlic
1 teaspoon of salt

1. Mash the beans with a fork.
2. Mix mashed beans, corn, rice, garlic and salt together
3. Lightly beat the eggs.
4. Stir eggs into mixture.
5. Drop onto a hot pan that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray and flatten it out to about 1/2 inch. Cook on a medium to low temperature and flip after about 4 minutes.

Makes about 5 burgers.
About 4 Weight Watchers points each and also gluten free.